Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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