i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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