You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
