I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
