At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
