I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
