I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the day after is always just damage control
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Boobs speak an international language.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
