So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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