she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
pray to the hookup gods
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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