i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
