We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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