Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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