he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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