sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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