he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
