I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Randomize
