he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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