just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
