It's Friday. Sex?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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