He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
