Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
