I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize