I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
