honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
