Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
