I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
