this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
