So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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