I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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