I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
