Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize