maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
