Define "chronic" masturbator.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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