you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
