i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
