I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
