Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize