I CAN MOONWALK!
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
