rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
