I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
