Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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