I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
