I forgot how hot balto sounded
sarcasm needs its own font
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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