Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
