Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
