Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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