Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
