I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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