I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
