Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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