Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
