I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize