Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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