so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You're a waste of cheezeits
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
