people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
