3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
