He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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