You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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