I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
