rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize