Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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