If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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