I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
