What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
