if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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