Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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