The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
