Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
