Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
