just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
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