david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
