we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I enjoy the company of your penis
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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