It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
