paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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