as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
